Narcissistic Abuse: A Common Misconception

General Warning: It is important to note that I am not a counselor nor a therapist with an education in Narcissistic Abuse. What I share with you here is based off of my own 1st hand experience as well as what I have learned while working through those experiences in counseling and through my own personal research. What I share, I share in hopes of helping others get out of similar situations, help avoid them entirely and to share with others who have been through it. 

Fortunately and unfortunately (since I wouldn’t wish this experience on my worst enemy), we are not alone. 

“You Shouldn’t Get into A Relationship to Try Change Someone…”

One of the most common misconceptions I have faced when sharing my experience with Narcissistic Abuse is people responding with, “You shouldn’t get into a relationship to change someone.” 

And, I whole heartedly agree – you shouldn’t. 

In this type of relationship – you are not at all trying to change the person you met on Day 1. The problem is, the person they sold you on Day 1 and got you to fall for over the following days, weeks, months and years –never existed

Instead, that person hid behind a perfectly crafted façade or “mask” to draw you in.  

It ends up being one of the hardest things to wrap your head and heart around in the end. And, the inability to understand that there are people who operate at this level, can keep you in the relationship for much longer than you should be.

Narcissists (from my experience) are very good at reading a room and sizing people up. If you get their attention because you have something they want or admire, you fall into their crosshairs. 

From there – if you have no idea what you are up against – they will watch and mimic your behavior. They will be overly attentive as they listen to your dreams and fears. They will be quick to share “me too” moments to create a stronger bond with you. They will drop gifts, make promises, talk of the future (moving in together, marriage and children), they will be quick moving (at the start) to “lock down” the relationship and give you their undivided attention and affection – until something happens within the relationship that changes the dynamic in the narcissists favor. 

Until that point – you will be wholeheartedly fooled into believing you have finally met “the one”. 

When the dynamic changes and the narcissist senses you are “hooked”, the entire relationship will slowly begin to unravel until it is completely flipped on its head.

What Might you Experience in a Romantic Relationship with a Narcissist?

  • The narcissist (he or she) will begin testing and pushing your boundaries to see how much you will bend.
  • They are usually drawn to people who will make them look good – someone who will help boost their ego and/or appearance. That said, God forbid you out shine them in any way because if you do, they will begin an emotional and mental assault to knock you down a few pegs. Then, they will punish you for “changing” in result to their attack. 
  • You will get an endless number of promises they never intend to fulfill. And, if they do follow through, it’s usually just a way to lure you back into the relationship when you want to leave. 
  • Displays of love in the early days will be replaced with resentment, judgement, contempt and belittlement. You will find yourself walking on eggshells daily and your body functioning in a constant state of “high alert”.
  • Over-the-top gifts will be used to draw you back in when you show signs of seriously wanting to leave. If you try to refuse the gifts, you will be guilted into feeling unappreciative. 
  • They will set relationship goal posts (with or without you agreeing) and anytime you get close to the “finish line” they will move the post. They may even cause a fight with the sole intention of getting out of following though. EX: You may both agree to move in together after a year of dating due to leases, etc. BUT as that day nears, they intentionally start a fight that feels completely out of place and may follow it up with saying, “Clearly we can’t live together – you don’t understand me at all!” 
  • You may find all the fears you shared with this person and insecurities they saw in you along the way will be used against you
  • They may isolate you from family and friends
  • They will criticize how you look, how you dress, what you weigh, etc.
  • They will minimize your feelings and needs. Your problems aren’t as bad as theirs, your family isn’t as important as theirs, their career will come before yours, their needs are more important than yours, if you are hurt by something they have done they will write it off as you being too sensitive, etc.
  • They will make you question your sanity to the point you may find yourself in a mental “fog” – leading you to struggle with basic problem solving and affecting your memory. They will then belittle you for it. 
  • They are known to be serial cheaters while expecting complete and utter faithfulness from you. They may also even blame you for their infidelity or try to convince you that you should feel “lucky” they “picked” you over the person(s) they cheated on you with. 
  • In addition to cheating, they may regularly belittle or embarrass you in a sexual manner 
  • They may find ways to control the finances, knowing it is harder to leave if you do not have access to funds. They may leave you in complete darkness on the relationships financial standing. And, out of the “kindness” of their heart, they may even give you an “allowance” only to criticize how you choose to spend it. They may leave you feeling guilty when you need financial help (after they’ve taken steps to make you financially dependent on them) by going on about being broke… only to watch them then go out and drop money on a new motorcycle, boat, tools, clothing or other high-ticket items for themselves.   
  • They will (depending on how long you stay) break you down and completely hollow you out mentally and emotionally. They will leave you feeling like an empty shell while fooling you into believing that you’re unable to make it without them. This is why they are regularly referred to as “emotional vampires”.
  • They will use word games to confuse and distract you when you try to call them on their bad behavior. Many times, you will be left not knowing which end is up.
  • They master the art of lying and will not back down unless you have rock solid proof. If you do have proof, expect whatever they lied about to be your fault.  
  • They will show you a complete lack of empathy when you collapse under the weight of their abuse. In fact, they will most likely blame you for how they treat you the entire way. 
  • When others are around, you may be fooled into a sense of hope because the person you fell for will reappear for your guests. However, after a while, you may begin to notice that person will “leave” with your guests. 
  • They may seem to take joy in kicking you when you are already down
  • You may find, in times when empathy would be expected (by normal people), they come off as acting. They go through the physical motions of looking empathetic but you will see no actual feelings seem to be present. Their “empathy” will come off as very cold and disconnected.
  • They are never at fault. They will never accept accountability unless they can twist and use it to gain sympathy from others
  • Some may use therapy as a way to trick you into staying, “Look at me working on me and us – you should want to, too” even though they have done the damage and have no real intention of fixing themselves.
  • All of the above may lead to you losing all hope, all sense of self, all confidence, all motivation and… you may eventually find yourself wishing for death.

And what happens any time you try to leave?

That charming person you fell for at the start miraculously appears. And – for a short time – they are “back”. Giving you the false hope to hang on, that things will get better, etc. If you try to cut off all contact with them, they may reach out through mutual friends, family, etc. who are unaware of the abuse to force you into talking to them. These people, not knowing any better, may guilt you into giving this person another chance. Then, once the relationship falls back into a place where the narcissist feels they have you back under their spell they revert back into the monster they have been all along.

It is a never-ending, hellish rollercoaster of highs and lows that is surprisingly hard to get off of, especially if you do not understand what the hell you are dealing with. 

For those of you thinking, “I’d never fall for that shit…” – I never thought I would either. 

The problem is, none of the above happens overnight. And, if you don’t know what to look for – you or a loved one could be next.

Narcissists are the ultimate Jackal & Hyde. 

What Makes It Worse…

Many times, these types thrive at work. They will have friends, family and co-workers that sing their praises, they appear to be the good neighbor, the good friend, the perfect son, daughter and parent to outsiders. 

From the outside, they appear to have their act together. 

The fact that so many could look at this person so highly makes you question your own sanity. 

However, when you look a bit deeper at the relationships the narcissist has with these people – they don’t run very deep. The narcissist only lets them see the same perfectly crafted façade you fell for. And you will find they spend limited time with these people because – let’s be honest – one can only pretend to be something they are not for so long.   

This allows the narcissist to play both the abuser and victim. 

And, what happens to a friend, family member or co-worker who manages to see through their act?

God help them.

The narcissist will be quick to discard and discredit them because they no longer see the narcissist how they wish to be perceived and no longer serve a purpose to the narcissist… which is usually to boost their ego. 

If you have never experienced the above – I am so grateful. I hope you take something from this and never do experience it first-hand. If you are someone who is currently stuck in something that sounds like the above – you can get out. It may not be the easiest thing to do but I promise you – life will be so much better for it. And for those who have also lived it – if willing – please share your story below. 

The more narcissistic abuse is talked about and put out in the open – others will have a better chance at spotting the signs and protecting themselves from it.    

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Rob Faith, Naomi Yunker, Mark Clark, Lee Mentzos, Firewalker_AZ, Chung Chow and Russell Throne – Thank you guys for all the support and encouragement over the last two years! <3

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37 thoughts on “Narcissistic Abuse: A Common Misconception

  1. Fay says:

    I have this situation not as a romantic thing, but neighbor-acquaintance . Knew her from an activity I participated in then she moved into my building. Known her about 20 years. I have always felt these little digs from her (that’s a nice picture of you, what happened,,did your family plan you?)Needs to be the center of attention. Many times I have said I am not going to get sucked in again, but then she starts getting sweet and I think, well maybe it’s not so bad. If I could move, I would, but my options are limited for reasons I don’t want to discuss right now. I am getting counseling so that is helping.

  2. Mark Desautels says:

    My sister just got out of 30+ year relationship that is just what you described. Most of us on the outside had no idea what was happening. Jekyll and Hyde is the perfect description. Thank you for putting yourself out there and sharing your story, I hope it helps many who may need it.

  3. Tisha says:

    I cannot even begin to imagine what you went through over the course of your relationship, and I am so happy that you were able to get out and start the process of getting back to “you” again. The sad thing is that I see so many things that you have listed at the top, in my best friend’s husband, especially the financial stuff, however, he doesn’t see it yet, and I know that there isn’t a lot I can do to make him see it. Just have to make sure he knows I am here for him.

  4. Yazz says:

    I feel like I’ve wasted 20 years of my life, waiting for what he promised to come to fruition…
    I question him & then he acts like a lost child that needs my help, is that narcissistic behaviour?
    So glad to hear your moving on with your life.

    • Kris Williams says:

      It just might be… when ever I wanted to leave – my ex would go into a frantic state. They’d come off as emotionally broken or fragile… and it’d trick me into staying because I would mistake the behavior as “he really loves me… look at how upset he his…” and I’d stay. The problem is – the frantic state isn’t about losing you – its about losing control. I could have replaced myself with just about anyone and they would have behaved the same way. I would definitely suggested reading up on it. They are known to “future fake”… they’ll promise you all sorts of long term things that will never happen.

      Try picking up the book Gaslighting by Dr. Stephaine Sarkis. The book was responsible for opening my eyes to what I was stuck in. <3

      Hang in there!

  5. C says:

    Oh wow. Reading all that really brought up all those horrible feelings. I was in that relationship for 3 years. The first 6 months, he was completely faking who he really was and I slowly saw things changing for the worst. He loved all my friends at first, then they were all “whores” that I wasn’t allowed to hang out with. At one point, I got punched in the nose and was bleeding and he tried to convince me he didn’t even touch me!! I was just bleeding for no reason. It sickens me now to think about it. Then when he started putting the gun in his mouth daring me to “say just one more word” and he would pull the trigger, I started feeling like I wanted him to do it, just not inside my house. It was hard to get out of that relationship, I was in so deep. He erased the person I was. He replaced it with someone who was only a shell of herself. Someone afraid to speak, afraid to argue, afraid to think, afraid to be home 1 minute later than I should be, afraid to stand up for myself, afraid to enjoy anything, afraid to say no, afraid to ask him to spend his own money and not mine. Such horrible memories. And there’s worse that I don’t even want to say. But, look at us now. We are strong and we made it through. We learned to become once again that person we were before they were in control. It was a lesson, a hard lesson for sure, but I think it has actually made me a stronger person coming out of it. Keep doing the good work and helping others see that they can get out and make it thru. ❤️

  6. Cassie says:

    I was hooked by a narcissist at age 21. I was floundering, lost, afraid, I had been raped twice that year. The first time I was nearly black out drunk and only remember flashes of bits and pieces. After the first time I threw myself out into the world, sleeping with whoever I could, as if trying to regain some sense of control. Then I was raped again. I told no one either time, suppressing my emotions as deeply as possible to survive. Then met him, he was seventeen years older than me, and seemed to want a relationship, seemed to want me, and despite the minimal attraction I felt for him, he was at that time my savior personified. He was my reason to stop sleeping around, my hope for marriage, a family, and stability all on a platter. He told me he loved me within three weeks of dating. He had already begun pushing me here and there seeing what he may be able to get away with. He had demanded to know if was talking to other men, after returning from a vacation the second week after we had begun talking. Desperately I reassured him I wasn’t. Within a month he had already edged out one of my friends, after my friend innocently flicked me on the ear while walking by. He told me that my friend was messing with him, trying to make him jealous, and I shouldn’t have let him touch me. I stopped talking to him. Within two months he was practically moved in, had edged out almost all of my friends, and one of my roommates. He made fun of them and convinced me they were out to sabatoge our relationship. Within 6 months I realized he was addicted to pain pills. He would call me names, like slut or whore anytime I tried to look pretty anywhere by dressing up and doing my makeup, if it wasn’t for only him. He accused me of cheating so much I can’t even begin to guess a number of times. Sometimes it was daily, others weekly or monthly. He accused me if I looked at my phone too often, or it dinged too often, if I was five minutes late home from somewhere, if I went anywhere without him, including work. But I didn’t want him to go with me places because he always made me the butt of every joke and belittled me in front of others. Still to this day after over a year away from him and in therapy, I still find myself jumping occasionally when my phone dings. He never contributed to finances and left me struggling constantly to pay all the bills so he could feed his addiction, and even then when he eventually quit I rarely saw a penny except when I begged for help. I always wanted to be a mom, and he promised me a family, but then would say things like “you’d be a horrible mother, you can’t even do the dishes every night”. He never helped with housework, he never apologized for anything, nothing was ever his fault, even when he would up loosing his job. I would have broken it off six months in if I hadn’t learned I had hpv, and my self worth taken an even more dangerous spiral. When I finally began to try and leave him four or five years in he purposely gave me hsv. I still remember the look on his face of false surprise when I came home from the doctor in tremendous pain with the diagnosis. I had tried to leave him a couple weeks prior and he wound up having a cold sore on his lip and spreading it to me. He said “you don’t think it was my fault do you?” In fake shock. It was then I truly without a doubt for the first time seen the monster in full glory under the mask. I can still feel the sting of betrayal, he made it so no matter what for the rest of my life I will have to remember him, with each new relationship I start, if I have an outbreak, he will be there at the forefront of my memory. It wasnt until we had been together for six years and I began a new job that was male dominated, but was the best money I had ever made, that he got a job. He accused me daily of cheating, threatened to cheat himself, told me that the new job wasn’t going to work. He shoulder checked me hard three times, the third time I elbowed him as hard as I could and told him that wasn’t something we’d be doing. He could see that I was at the end of my rope. I was at the end of my rope, and I realized I would rather be alone forever and never achieve my dream of being a mother, because I was disgusting and had two stds and no one would even want me, than stay with him. I packed his things while he was at work, and when he came home broke it off with my parent’s there as support, and haven’t seen him since, save for when I took him off the debit card at the bank a couple days after the break up. Then I felt like I was drowning. I dint think people always properly explain what it feels like after you leave. It is soul crushing, and everything inside you says, take him back. He’ll change like he promised. Things will be different this time. Your brain literally feels trapped in a daze, with one purpose to convince you as eh had always done its your fault, you’re crazy, you’re overreacting, being dramatic, it’s not that bad. The leaving is hard but the staying gone that is a battle of the ages. I am still sad. It’s been a year, and I still question myself. I still find myself stuck in the trap of overeating, to make myself less desirable, so that I’ll be less likely to be flirted with and accused of cheating, by who now? No one, only the memory of a man who nearly destroyed me. But I feel incredible amount of relief when I think about how I feel now. Though my anxiety is still ever present, I dont have to remain hyperaware every second of every day now. I am lonely and regretful some days, but I am a version of free that is hard to explain. I would never wish a relationship with a narcissist on anyone.

  7. Blair says:

    My experience was a bit different. I didn’t meet and fall in love with a narcissist, I was raised with one. My older sister has now been clinically diagnosed as a narcissist and sociopath. In her 40’s. My childhood was miserable with her. She single-handedly destroyed my self esteem and self confidence before I was even old enough to start school. She’s seven years older, and I was her perfect little verbal punching bag. I’m still recovering from the emotional damage she did to me when I was 5, I’m about to be 40. My parents couldn’t understand why I wanted to cut off all contact with her when I reached college age. My dad still tries to make me feel guilty about not wanting her in my life, even though he knows all the things she did to me, and she’s doing to her own children. It’s a horrible, horrible thing to experience

  8. John Kennedy says:

    Kris, I am so sorry you had to go through this. Especially being alone, stuck in a foreign country. The first time I met you 11 years ago, I thought to myself, look at this funny, caring beautiful lady ( you reminded me of my wife when I first met her) I so enjoy talking to you for about an hour about the paranormal. I was thinking to myself, what a great, happy. upbeat lady she is. And when I learned what happened, and just a little of what you went through, my heart was breaking for you. In my opinion you are a great lady, and I am so happy you are finally out of that situation. It was so good seeing you at Michigan Paracon in August. I am so happy you are working daily ho get your life back. If you ever need anything, all
    you have to do is ask this Boston Boy. Can’t wait to see you again, and see that smile again ❤

  9. Jennifer says:

    This was my son’s dad to a tee! Always calling me fat, telling me I’d never find anyone as good as him. Blaming our son’s autismm on me. Then he got hooked on heroin and met….omg things got so much worse. It was to the point I had to depend on xanex and Zoloft to function. My Dr……who was also his begged me to leave…..finally one day he overdosed in my house. The first thing I did was call my friend and ask…should I let him tie or call 911…..called 911 and let the universe take control…..needless to say cps got involved and that forced me out of the situation……he has since passed away from his drug use and I’m sad to say the first thing I felt was relief. No more bull. It’s finally over. Then the guilt came in . But with lots of help from me and my son’s therapist I kicked that feeling to the curb. I’m so glad that you, me and everyone else posting on here got out so we could be better for our family and friends. CHEERS TO FREEDOM!

  10. J says:

    I went through this as well. Had children with this person too. In the end , when I finally was strong enough to leave him, he used my own children against me., to hurt me and make me pay for the rest of my life.
    He is pure evil

    • Kris Williams says:

      Yep… they have no shame and when they don’t get what they want they act out like small children. Nothing is off limits and unfortunately – from what I read – it is pretty common for them to use children to get back at their spouse. Mine did the same with their child (my step kid). Unfortunately, when I left I had to cut all ties – which included communication with the kiddo. Hang in there. *hugs*

  11. Doug says:

    Had been in a relationship for 6 years. And one day saw a post about Narcissist personalities. It was just a short post, but it caught my attention. Looked up more on it and found out there was more to it than just a few of the traits you described above. That it is a result of an early in life head trauma. That it can’t be cured. Or treated with medication. If the person was open to it, maybe counseling. But often they refuse to believe that’s them. I have it another chance to see if it would workout with what I found out. But after hoping she would change. It became apparent that she wouldn’t so ended the relationship. And it was difficult as you described above. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • Kris Williams says:

      Thank you for sharing too, Doug. <3

      The crazy thing is too, many times people want to sympathize with the narc - we always want to understand, give benefit of doubt, etc. but one thing to keep in mind is that... they know how to behave properly when others outside the relationship are watching. Which leads me to believe they know what is bad behavior and what is not.

      And you're right... they will refuse to see themselves as a problem. They just believe they are above the normal day to day "rules" that most people follow. Its an insanely wild ride that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

      So glad to hear you got out too! <3

  12. Jason Hache says:

    Seems like part Sociopath as well? Made me think of Youtube videos I have watched of Dr Ramani Durvasula. Also, another called “Interview with a Sociopath” by Special Books by Special Kids. Anyhow, sorry you went through all of that. My daughter is 12 and I worry about how we’re going to teach her about this kind of stuff and how to nagivate through it etc.

    • Kris Williams says:

      I watch Dr. Ramani a lot – love her. Possibly on the part sociopath – but I haven’t looked into that enough to say. The best thing you can do is start talking her about all this stuff now. The earlier you start, the better. Teach her about setting healthy boundaries, to not be afraid to put her own mental health and safety first. Maybe even introduce her to some of Dr. Ramani’s videos.

      The biggest thing with narc’s – their words and actions do not match up. Teach her to look for and stories that change regularly.

      <3

  13. Eric Serota says:

    “Putting their needs ahead of yours” and Bugging your family and friends who in turn guilt trip you to get in touch with them and work it out, has been a common theme over the years for me. its a very rough place to be and very exhausting in every way for sure.
    Thank you for sharing your experience. I am very sorry for all that has happened to you, However,I am grateful for you and your life. Grateful for your knowledge and wisdom shared here.
    Wishing you Love, Light and all the best for a Happy and Healthy New Year as your journey continues towards better times ahead.

    • Kris Williams says:

      They call the people who act as a line of communication between the narc & victim “flying monkeys”. They tend to be people who do not understand the dynamics of the relationship and will be people who haven’t suffered at the hands of the narc – yet. Sometimes, you have to not only block the narc – you have to block everyone who pushes and guilts you to go back. It’s insanely hard to do – but you have to put you first. <3

      Thank you for sharing! And I hope things have gotten miles better since leaving. *Hugs*

  14. Katelyn says:

    I was trapped in this cycle for several years with my ex. Before meeting him I was a so happy and carefree. It’s been years since the relationship ended but I still deal with old feelings of worthlessness at times. The biggest thing for me to try and overcome was the feeling of shame. “How could I let that happen to me?” It can happen to anyone. Especially to those of us who lead with love and are willing to trust. I’ve learned to take my experience and turn it into compassion for others who have gone through their own situations. You’re a beautiful woman Kris, inside and out. I admire your courage wish you all the best on your path of healing ❤️

    • Kris Williams says:

      Thank you, Katelyn. <3 And yes, the feelings of worthlessness have a way of creeping in from time to time... its a tough one to shake if you stay with them long enough they get you to that point. As for the shame - I hear you. I kept thinking , "your parents taught you to be smarter than this..." Humiliated, embarrassed, shame... I get it. BUT - once you start talking to others who have lived through it too - you begin to realize those people aren't people you'd consider weak, stupid or easily fooled. Narc's are predators. You ex was the problem - don't let yourself think otherwise. <3

  15. Carol says:

    I was married to one such as that for 24 years. I was so in denial by the last few years , I refused to actually see and hear all that went on.
    When the blinders come off, it’s frightening !
    Even though I’ve been divorced from him since 2015, I still shake my head on how gullible I was. The bad times certainly overwhelmed the good.
    Bless you

    • Kris Williams says:

      You weren’t gullible. Thats the hardest part – the people who get stuck in these patterns always seem to blame themselves. BUT, when I started looking around at others who also lived it – or the ladies I learned they cheated on me with – they were not people or women who I would have describe as weak. Narc’s are predators. They play and excellent game until you see them for what they are. Head up – and be proud that you finally left! *hugs*

  16. Jeremy says:

    It was almost two in the morning and I sat on the edge of the bed…alone and in the dark. I found myself rocking in place slowly, my head in my hands and doing my best to stifle my tears so that my step-children couldn’t hear me from their room where they slept, just down the hall.

    Why am I in this place again? I thought to myself. Why did I let her convince me again that our issues were not as big as they seemed? That all couples disagree and argue at our level? That somehow it was MY insecurities that drove her to want to be unfaithful?

    How in the hell did I allow myself to be sitting here in the dark…crying…keeping watch over her kids while she was out with her co-worker, doing God knows what? This is just all too crazy, I thought. She use to hide stuff like this…but now she doesn’t even try…and even more crazy…she says over and over and over again that I’m the reason why.

    I’m not man enough.
    I’m not mature enough.
    I’m too sensitive, needy, and selfish.
    I don’t understand her (or women in general) and that’s probably because my parents sheltered me as a kid and didn’t expose me to the “REAL TRUTHS” of life.

    I stood up and faced the wall on the right side of our bedroom. My eyes had adjusted to the dark and I could see two floating shelves with candles on top of them. In between the shelves, hung from a small nail, was a dried up red rose that I had given her on our first date just a couple of years before.

    For reasons I still can’t fully explain, I stepped to the wall and punched it as hard as I could. The pain that resonated through my hand was intense for a few seconds, but quickly fleeting as my adrenaline took over. I hit the wall again and again. Feeling my knuckles become slick with blood as I ruptured the dry wall and felt heaving gasps of air escape my lungs.

    “What the hell are you doing?” she said from the doorway of our room. She flicked on the light with a snap and I shielded my eyes with a hand that was a mix of red with white powder and paint. She had come in the house and I hadn’t heard her in the midst of everything. I shook my head…ashamed that I had expressed my anger like that. I felt guilt deep inside my chest…thick and bulging, as he looked at me as if I had lost my mind.

    Maybe you have, I thought. But you’re still sane enough to know that something has to change and it has to change now.

    Kris, I don’t know if my ex was narcissistic or not…I honestly haven’t looked into it that much. All I know is that I read your article and could find familiarity with so much of what you said. Of course, there’s much more to that relationship that happened…but this night in particular was the beginning of the end. I guess I had finally reached my breaking point and hitting that wall seemed to be my hearts last physical, mental, and spiritual push of that situation out of my life.

    In the end, as crazy as it may sound, I felt like in what looked to be uncontrolled…I was in fact, finally taking some sense of control back after years of hurt and confusion. I don’t know, maybe I’m not making any sense at all. I’m sorry.

  17. Stephanie says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I was in a relationship like this and it was hard trying to explain or understand what I was going through because I hadn’t heard or knew about narcissists when I left. It was a couple years before I saw articles, people sharing, and had a therapist explain what narcissist abuse is. It is such a brain game they play and can be so hard to try to explain to others because they don’t see what happens behind closed doors. Thank you for helping to spread awareness!

    • Kris Williams says:

      Soooo true… you have to experience it to understand it fully – but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Its def a topic that needs to be addressed more. I am SO glad you got out though – its no easy feat. They have a way of keeping a firm grip on things when you are stuck. *hugs*

  18. Ken Neuhauser says:

    That’s such a detailed and informative essay, Kris. Thank you for sharing that with the world so that others in the same situation can SEE things clearly and get the help they need.
    I’m just sorry you went through all of that in order to gain the knowledge and wisdom you have now shared.

    I wish you well with the rest of your life and your health.

    • Kris Williams says:

      Thank you, Ken. <3 Hopefully by sharing what was my personal hell - it'll help others see what they are in and get out. Also - just sharing helps. One of the hardest parts is trying to understand how you fell for it... but then you meet others you would never describe as weak who fell into the trap too. Def worth getting the word out.

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