It is hard to believe it has nearly been 5 months since I left my marriage and Australia.
Even harder to believe is just how much my life has turned around since. Don’t get me wrong – the first couple of days I was in a semi state of shock – Did I finally get out? Did I finally do it? Am I actually back in the USA?
Then, a large sense of relief set in with the realization, “I will never have to live like that again”. While I returned home completely directionless – an overwhelming sense of freedom squashed a good part of my fears.
Over the years, my spirit had become completely crushed – I was an empty shell. I honestly had lost all sense of self, all sense of self worth and my confidence. I became unrecognizable to the people who had known and loved me my whole life – I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
All it took was one full month of removing myself from a toxic situation for my friends and family to begin making comments about how happy they were to see me smiling again.
Fast-forward 5 months… and I am still amazed by how much has changed.
On my return to the USA, I spent my first 3 weeks in Arizona. It was then I decided I would move to Arizona after spending the holidays with my family in New Hampshire. What can I say, I knew I needed them more than ever and I felt I had already missed out on so much with them over the years.
Once in New Hampshire, I decided I would focus on only three things: my health, my family and work.
Since I was literally starting from ground zero, was still emotionally beat up and knew a move was in the near future, I wanted to avoid getting overwhelmed with trying to fix too much at once.
The first thing I decided to tackle was my health…
In 2.5 months I lost just over 30lbs/13.6kg (amazing what the removal of drama can do). While I still have 45lbs./20.4kg more to lose (and will) – the changes in my face and body have been beyond exciting…
I am finally starting to see me again.
In addition to focusing on my weight, I picked up a seasonal job to get through the holidays and started focusing on turning my art into a career.
Then – right after Christmas – I made the big move/drive from New Hampshire to Arizona.
So – here I am – living in Arizona with my brother. I am 30lbs. lighter and covered in paint 90% of the time. I am still trying to find a job that will help pay the bills while getting the art going. I am doing my best to annoy family and friends any chance I get… And of all the things I would have never expected, I am now dating an amazing guy who encourages my silliness and creativity (even matches both) while making me laugh regularly.
While some struggles are still present and will be for awhile, I am currently the happiest I have been on a personal level in… 6 or 7 years?
I am so glad I finally said, “enough.”