Shedding the Emotional “Fat Suit”

For those who have followed me on social media, you may have caught some of my posts that touched on my weight gain over the years. We will not get into all the ins and outs of how I gained it just yet but long story short I gained 75 pounds through the course of an 8 year relationship that was highly emotionally, mentally and financially abusive… which was also (as I found out later) riddled with several rounds of infidelity on my ex-partners part.

Let’s just say – living in that cesspool did very little for my mental and emotional state. The stress at times – if I am to be perfectly honest – was so unbearable I spent my days swinging between binge eating and wishing for death.

As the years went on with this person, the weight piled on. And with that, I have not so loving referred to the weight gain as my “fat suit” because I know it is not something I would have grown into without this person poisoning my life.

While it has been over two years since I removed myself from the toxic situation (completely cutting all ties) my life has moved forward in so many ways. I have been healing mentally and emotionally from the experience day by day.

That said, it is time for me to shed the “suit”. The one massive, daily reminder of the hellish world I left and finally get my physical health back.

Just a General Warning Before Jumping In:

It is important that you understand I am not a trained professional in weight loss, nutrition or exercise. I am simply sharing my approach to losing weight. If you decide to make a change yourself – I would suggest seeing a professional who can best guide you towards your goals. If you choose to follow anything I am sharing – please know you do so at your own risk knowing I am not educated in this area.

I am just one 40+ year old female sharing her attempt at getting her life back on track.  

Focuses:

  • Quick & Easy
  • Intermittent Fasting
  • Food I Like
  • Incorporating Activity
  • Keeping Busy

Quick & Easy – I have learned over the years the more complicated something is when it comes to weight loss, the faster I lose interest or get discouraged. AND, programs that are (excuse the phrase) balls to the wall from day one – I don’t last more than a week or two max. It’s just too much change – too fast. 

I need to ease myself into it AND I need to pick food that I actually like (which might not be the healthiest) to start – that is quick and easy to make. This way – I am able to ease into things without it being a total shock to my body… but most importantly – my brain. 

I don’t know about you – but if my brain is not on board the changes will not stick. So, I have to find ways to “trick” myself into doing the right thing. Plus, I am admittedly an emotional eater… If I do not find some enjoyment in what I am having as I get started – I am bound to go off the rails.   

Intermittent Fasting – while I am not going to go into all the ins and outs of this idea here (since I am still learning myself) the basic idea is that people who follow this method only eat during a certain time “window”. Studies have claimed it helps regulate your body’s insulin levels so you don’t have constant spikes and dips throughout the day. Obviously, the types of foods you pick also contribute to the spikes and dips – but not eating outside of that window is believed to give your body a break from constantly being bombarded by crap. 

Funny enough, this is something I fell into without even realizing it was a thing in 2017. And, every time I have done it – the weight has just fallen off. 

The 8-hour window I fell into naturally on my own was 10am to 6pm. 

Food I Like – Whenever I have jumped into a weight loss kick, I have found it is best for me to not put too much worry in the quality of food I am eating at the start but instead focus on cutting way back on the amount of food I am eating. If I cut way back on amount – but I still like what I am having and look forward to having it, I am more likely to stick to it. 

Those choices may not be the healthiest picks to start BUT once I start losing weight and gain some momentum – I find my attitude changes. I mentally become more positive about the changes and I become motivated to do better. This leads to me swapping out foods I know need to go from the start up stage for healthier options. 

Again – tricking and easing my brain to get on board instead of slapping it with what feels like a freight train. 

So, What Does My Initial Plan of Attack Look Like?

When I follow the above, I pretty much eat the same thing every day. I am one of those weird people who is ok with no variety as long as I like what I am having. And I find it easier to stay focused with less options. AGAIN – keep in mind I know some of the following are NOT the healthiest picks. They are simply there to start and will be swapped out for healthier options as I become more confidant with myself and what I am doing. 

10am: A Ham & Cheese Sandwich on White Bread with light Mayo (occasionally with lettuce and other veggies), 12 Fl. Oz. Sprite Zero and 1 piece of chocolate (PIECE not bar) 

1:00pm: 2 Hard Boiled Eggs

3:00pm: Protein Shake (Protein Powder, ½ a Frozen Banana, 1 c. Spinach, 2 tbsp PBFit, 2 tbsp Dark Coco Powder and 4 Ice Cubes)

5:45pm: A Can of Progresso Light Chicken Soup, 12 Fl. Oz. Sprite Zero, 1 piece of Chocolate

Along with the above – water, water and more water… and a daily vitamin to help make up for what’s lacking in nutrition. 

As you can see – there are flaws. There is a ton of salt in sandwich meats and soups, white bread doesn’t hold much nutritional value and contains a lot of sugar, mayo is usually trouble in general… the hard boiled eggs are good for protein though and good for pushing off hunger, the shake brings in some vitamins, protein, veggies and fruit… and the chocolate and Sprite Zero quite frankly are for my sanity.

Funny enough though, when I follow this for a solid week, I am not hungry. Everything holds me over and the weight begins to fall off. Doing the above I have lost 30 pounds in 2.5 months before covid hit – along with time in the gym (which we will get into in a second). 

And, as I said – once the weigh starts coming off – I find I naturally want to swap things out. White bread for low sugar wheat, cheese for avocado, sandwich meat for thinly sliced baked chicken, mayo for mustard, soup for chicken and baked veggies, doing away with one of the Sprite Zero’s entirely and eventually ditching both, etc… the chocolate usually stays though!

I am admittedly a sweet tooth – so I find a way to make room for it for my own sanity.

Overall – I ease my way into healthy as my confidence builds and along the way I learn the difference between eating because I am hungry verse eating because I am bored, stressed or emotional. 

When it Comes to Incorporating Activity…

Every time I attack it with the same approach as I do the food above (easing my way in), I find it easier to stick to and over time it becomes a habit. 

I am less likely to hate and dread it if I start small and have noticed – like with food – over time my confidence builds along with my energy and find I want to challenge myself more. 

But it all comes down to baby steps. 

That said, I start with walking 3 miles outside or an hour on a treadmill. Whether outside or on a treadmill – moving is moving. I do this every day Monday through Friday giving myself something to look forward to – a weekend off! And, while I hate weights, I have found in the past once I get far enough in, I start getting new bursts of energy where walking was not enough. 

At that point – I start playing with weights. 

Lastly – Keeping Busy.

I find if I keep my brain busy on other things – I forget about food. So much so – I will forget to eat anything entirely… which is not good. To combat this, I plan on setting alarms this time around for each meal so there is no skipping. And – if there are alarms – my brain can focus on other things without worrying about a missed meal. 

And That, Is My Plan…

Over the next few months, I intend on sharing my progress with my health journey here AND I plan to share with you what I have learned first hand about narcissistic abuse.

If any good can come out of my 8 year experience – I would hope it would be helping others to to get out if they are stuck in one, help wake from the fog if they don’t understand what they are stuck in as well as help others spot the red flags in hopes of avoiding the same soul crushing path.

Lots of Love,

Kris Williams

A Big thank You To My Patreons…

Russell Throne, Rob Faith, Naomi Yunker, Mark Clark, Lee Mentzos, Firewalker_AZ and Chung Chow – Thank you guys for all the support and encouragement over the last two years! I have admittedly been all over the damn place but you have all stuck with me and it has been hugely appreciated. <3

Here’s to a new year of shenanigans! 🙂

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